Adoption

Today I reflect on our journey with this handsome young man!

(Today is his 10th Birthday)

Paul and I married in June of 1998.  We knew very soon after that we wanted to start a family.  We got pregnant in the winter of 1999 but soon found out that baby would never physically join our family.  We wasted no time in trying again, and the next month after our miscarriage found out we were in fact pregnant a second time.  The next 9 months would be a roller coaster.  I suffered from hyper-emesis gravidarum.  (This is what Princess Kate has right now).  This condition brings on days of miserable nausea beyond explanation.  I was in and out of the hospital forcing me to quit my job and pretty much just stay in bed 24-7.  I do have to say it was all worth it when I met my beautiful daughter in December of 2000.

Life was good.  Our family was complete.....for a while.  I began to get "baby fever" when Kenzie was about 2 years old.  We knew what pregnancy had given us in the past and we weren't sure if we were ready for that again.  I even went to a high risk pregnancy specialist who told me we had a 95% chance of HEG again.  Not good news.  We held off on pregnancy, not knowing what the Lord had planned for us.

We went about our business of day to day life with our family of 3, happy and content.  

Paul and I decided to go to the Tulsa State Fair for a date night in the Fall of 2004.  While we were walking around, we stopped at the Waiting Child exhibit.  This exhibit had pictures of children in the Foster Care system of Oklahoma.  There were the kids that had been labeled "unadoptable".  These children were either older, special needs, biracial, or part of a sibling set.  These characteristics make it more difficult to place them into a forever home.  I stood there reading bio after bio thinking "Why doesn't anyone want these children.  They are perfect."  I looked and Paul and said, "Let's start the paperwork NOW."  After talking with someone from DHS, we began our adoption journey.

I am going to skip over the almost two years of agonizing, heart-wrenching, legalistic paperwork and WAITING.  I will just say it was a LONG 2 years.

During that two-year period, we prayed for our son.  We didn't know where he was.  We didn't know what he looked like.  We didn't know how old he was.  We knew nothing-EXCEPT-We believed that God had a son for us.  Kenzie prayed right along with us in her sweet little toddler voice, "Dear God, keep my brother safe.  Thank you for anyone that is helping to take care of him.  Bring him to us soon.  Amen"  She never missed praying for her brother a single night.

As we waited for the call, we got the basics of the room ready.  We had a bed, a dresser, and some VERY generic decorations.  We couldn't do much more for lack of knowledge of our child.

We met some children.  We looked at some files.  We never felt the push to proceed.  Until "THAT" day.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was a Tuesday morning.  I was sitting in the waiting room of the eye doctor for a check up after having my Lasik surgery.  My phone rang.  I saw the caller ID listing my case workers number.  I assumed she was just calling to get some more info or tell us something was missing from our file.  (That is what the majority of her calls were).  Instead, I heard "Jami, we have a boy for you.  He is 3 years old.  His name is Antonio.  Would you like to look at his file?"  Emotions flooded my body.  Something was different this time.  I just knew it.  I burst into tears.  "YES" I assured her.

I knew the people in that waiting room thought I was a mad woman.  Bawling like a baby while receiving a phone call.  But there was one lady who quickly asked if I was okay.  "Yes. I have a son!  There is a boy waiting for me."  I poured out all my emotions on this sweet unsuspecting woman.  She got excited with me.  She shared my joy.  I was thankful for her in that moment.  I needed someone to cry with me, and she did.  Tears of joy.  But wait-I knew nothing about this child.

That very afternoon, our case worker came by with his file.  As I saw his picture, I knew he was MINE.  This was my son!

We met him on Thursday.  It was a cold meeting at the DHS office.  They placed Paul, Mackenzie, and myself along with Tony in a "playroom" and watched behind a one-way mirror.  It was nerve-wrecking.  What were they watching for?  His reaction to us?  Our reaction to him?  I will never know.  All I knew was that THIS was my son!

Evidently it went well despite the fact that he cried the ENTIRE time.  We were granted a full-day unsupervised visitation on Sunday.  We spent the day at the Tulsa Zoo and had a blast!

Oh, how could someone NOT fall in love with this boy!

Our prayers had been answered.  The Lord had given me the desires of my heart.  Our family was complete.

In April of 2006, it was made official.  We stood before a judge and promised to love and provide for this handsome boy like he was our blood.  Not a problem for me.  He had become one of my heart beats the day I saw his picture!

Our Adoption Day

Sometimes people say, "He is so lucky you guys adopted him."  No-not true.  WE are the lucky ones.  He brings joy to everyday of our lives.  He has a smile that lights up a room.  He has a sense of humor that cannot be measured.  He is so very smart!  He is carefree and "chill" (something I need more of in my high-stress and anxiety world).  He is a child of God.  God trusted us enough to be called his parents.  We are the lucky one!

A fun little side note:

As we looked at the first photo of Tony, we recognized some things in the background.  When we got the address of the foster home where he was staying, we realized why everything looked so familiar.  We had once lived in that same neighborhood just a few years prior.  Turns out we had lived there while he was there-just a few blocks away.  Little did we know, there is a chance we might have seen our son playing at the park or while taking a walk.  We just never knew it!

Perception vs. Reality

Funny how some of my posts come to be...
Today's thought brought to you by insane belly laughs at the following images:
(I do get serious in a minute though)

So as funny as these pictures are, they really do have some truth to them.  Why do we look at what other people are doing and think that we will look the same way the first time we do something?

We perceive them as "perfect".  What we are not looking at is how long they looked like our reality before they found that groove.

This thought can carry over into all aspects of life, but I want to concentrate on business today.  I have so many people that I look up to in my Scentsy family business.  People that make this job look easy.  People that make this job look effortless.  People that I feel like I will never "be like them."  But I have to stop and think-what are they doing that I don't see on a day to day basis?

This photo reality illustrates this point perfectly.  The foot on the right is what we see.  It is beautiful, feminine, and appears to be flawless.  What we don't see is what is underneath to shoe.  Look at the foot on the left.  This is what we don't see.  This foot shows all the work, all the struggle, and all the pain that this woman has endured for her dream of dancing.

Don't look at other people and wish to be like them.  Find those people that you look up to and ASK THEM what they have done to get to where they are.  I promise you they won't say they woke up one morning in the state that you see.  

What are the things in life that make you jealous or envious?

Is it the mom that has the beautiful home that is immaculately decorated?
What you don't see might be the husband that is never home because he works insane hours just to make the money to pay for that house.
What you don't see might be the hours she spends cleaning instead of playing with her children.
What you don't see might be the enormous mounds of debt they are surrounded with.

Is it the Superstar Director that has a group of 10,000 consultants?
What you don't see might be the fact that she worked 3 jobs in the beginning because they business wasn't profitable at first but she saw the potential.
What you don't see might be all the hours that she spent creating documents and trainings for her team because "back in the day", our business didn't have a training center.
What you don't see might be the party after party and call after call that she has done in order to build that business.

Make sure you are considering the reality and not just the perception of perfection!

It's My Pleasure

Okay, so if you are anything like me, when you read the title of today’s blog post you thought of one of my favorite places:

I love going to Chickfila.  The food is scrumptious.  But more than that, Chickfila is different.  They take pride in everything there.  The restaurant is always clean and tidy.  I have actually seen them bleaching the play place!  (Hallelujah)  They always have a smile on their faces.  Best part is…they serve.  Chickfila is a fast food restaurant yet they serve you.  Often times I have had my food delivered to my table instead of just hollering my name.  They come by and offer to fill a drink or get you anything else you need.

While these tasks can be taught, the attitude is learned.

How do you view servitude?  Is it a chore for you or a privilege? 

Does it depend on what area of your life I ask about?  I know it does for me.

You see, I delight in serving those precious children in Haiti.  I really would do whatever they needed from me.  I would help to feed them, change them, bathe them, teach them.  I consider it an honor and a privilege that the Lord trusted me enough to send me there to be a servant.

I enjoy serving my fellow Scentsy family members.  I delight in teaching them fun and profitable ways to run their businesses.  I love helping a new recruit get her business off to a great start.  I take the time to teach her how to input orders, serve her customers, and grow her business.

But when I look to my family, the tides turn and I am shameful. 

God has blessed me with an amazing family.  Paul and I have been married for 14 ½ years.  We have a beautiful 12 year-old daughter and an almost (next week) 10 year-old son.  I don’t know what I would ever do without them! 

But do I show that to them in my actions?  Yes, I do what most mothers do: laundry, cooking, cleaning (well sometimes).  I do the tasks.  But what is my attitude?  I can honestly say that laundry and cooking are very low on my “want to do” list, but I desire to change that.

God blessed me to be a wife and a mother.  It is my privilege that I get to share my life with these 3 amazing people.

This week, I promise to stop procrastinating on the things that I can do to serve my family.  I will finish the laundry (and maybe even put it away).  I will cook yummy meals instead of going out to eat.  I will clean the kitchen with Mackenzie instead of pushing it off as “her chore”.  I will finally sit down and do a project with Tony that he has been begging to do.  I will do the dreaded budget meeting with Paul with a happy attitude of servitude.

It will be MY PLEASURE to serve my family this week!

No Excuses

What is something you want to change in your life?  How long have you wanted to change it?  I have a feeling if that time span is longer than a week or so, you are filling excuses into your mindset of why it hasn’t been achieved. 

I have been doing so self-reflection this past week.  I want to make sure that there are not important things in my life that I have been excusing-away.

Some examples:

Desire: Look better in clothes

Excuse: I don’t have time to work out.

Fix: I could organize my schedule better.  Plan better.  Plan ahead and FIT IT IN!

Excuse: Healthy food is more expensive.

Fix: Really?  Is it?  If I fill my body with good for me food instead of junk food, I know I will be more satisfied.  I know from my years with Weight Watchers that a simple change like drinking more water will fill me up and cleanse my body.

Desire: I want new furniture. 

Excuse: We finally got out of debt and refuse to use credit cards again.  Without credit cards, I will never be able to buy a large piece of furniture.

Fix:  Stick to Dave Ramsey’s method.  Set money aside each week into a fund.  If I want it bad enough I will not “raid” the stash.

Desire: I want to move up to the next level in my business.  I REALLY want to be a SuperStar Director.  (I have achieved all the requirements except one more first generation director)

Excuse: There is nothing I can do about it.  I am relying on other’s actions.

Fix: While I am rely on the promotion of others, I need to make sure I am doing everything in my power to train them on how to achieve the goal.

Fix: Am I focusing on individuals whose goals align with mine or am I pushing my goals (so I can succeed) on them?  I need to meet with them and make sure.

Fix: Keep doing what I need to do to build my personal business.  Continue to follow the basics and know that the system will work.

Do you have excuses stopping you from achieving a desire in your life?  I encourage you to look at what is REALLY holding you from that desire.  Are you making excuses?  What can you do to get past them?

Purpose

Did you know that you were created for a purpose?

Yes, my beliefs are based on biblical principles and I will be quoting scripture in this blog.  I strongly believe in God and have faith in my maker.  If you are a Christian, hopefully this passage will be used to reassure you.  If you are not, I hope you give serious thought to what I am about to share.

You were not an accident.  You are not here just because two people were joined together.  You are here because God wanted you here.  He created you with a purpose.  He has a plan for you.

I come into contact with many people that are filled with questions about orphans, foster children, adoption, and the much-debated abortion.  To me, it is not confusing at all.  I know that every single child that is created in a womb, whoevers womb that might be, every single child is created by God. 

Psalm 139:13 says “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” 

A womb is simple a vessel. 

I have two children; one biologically birthed into my family and the other God-birthed into my family.  They are no different.  They are my children.  Even more than that, they are HIS children.  It doesn’t matter who’s belly they grew in.  They are His creation.  A beautiful creation at that!

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This passage tells us that we were all created for a purpose.  Do you know your purpose?  A purpose is not a job.  It’s not a career.  It’s more than that.  It is the WHY of your life. 

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

Wow!  God cared enough about each and every one of us to actually prepare our lives for us.  He laid it all out.  Can we screw it up?  Yes.  Do we mess up his perfect plan?  Sometimes.  Can you get your life back to where He always intended it to be?  YES YES and YES!

“How?”, you ask.

Talk to Him.  Ask Him what He wants for you.  Most importantly---LISTEN!

Did I plan to go to the poorest in the world?  Did I think I would ever go to walk among dirt and feces in order to hold one of the most beloved treasures in His kingdom, a child?  Did I ever see myself denying a shower, cold water, and hot food for more than one day?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding “NO”.  However, God planned this.  He knew what I needed to do in order to be prepared for His vision.  He knew where I would end up in life.  He knew the tools, skills, and attitudes I would need and He gave them to me or placed me in situations to learn them.

Did I think I would quit a full time teaching career to sell candles? 

Heck, no!

I finished 6 years of college to BE A TEACHER.  That is what I was.  Or so I thought.

I am not a teacher.  I am a child of God.  I am His.  All His!  Where He calls, I will go.  I live each day to see what His plan is.  It’s a crazy plan.  It’s a plan I don’t always understand.  But it is His plan.  His plan for MY LIFE!